Hazel Tellington
We love to love her, even if she hates to love us back.
Stubborn, cynical, and so very single, Haze is an up-and-coming writer who wishes a social life could be delivered to her doorstep.
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Jamie McJack
The cheery yin to Hazel's yang, Jamie's a bubbly hug on legs.
She loves her job at the local flower shop and never turns down an opportunity to win free swag with the help of her boobs.
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McPedro
He's a Talking Irish Cactus, which says just about all you need to know about him.
To our knowledge, McPedro only speaks to Hazel when she's drinking, and he loves his spider plant girlfriend.
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Jameson
Jameson's a hot latte on a cold day.
He runs the bar at the coffee shop below Hazel's apartment, Joe Shmoe.
Sweet, level-headed and a little goofy, he's unintentionally a bit of a heartbreaker.
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Maureen
Maureen "The Blog Girl" is the lucky antisocial cutie who stole Jameson's heart on the Internet. <3
She's a little shy, but he thinks it's charming.
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Clarice
Clarice is the wannabe librarian who denies her job as a clerk at the local porn store, Variety Books (and more!).
But her weekend job is far more interesting.
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Scott
Scott moved into Hazel's apartment to help her pay the rent.
He's not around very often, but he makes Hazel and Jamie drool.
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Candy
Candy "The Carnivore" is a friend of Jameson's who also met him on the Internet, and LOOOVES to taunt his vegetarian girlfriend.
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Chris
Chris "The Pirate" met Hazel in the emergency room as he earned an eyepatch for a drinking accident, and hasn't really left her life since.
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Tyler
Hazel baby-sits Tyler when she's short on dough, and ONLY then.
Tyler's a ten-year-old nerd whose obsession with games is rivaled only by his obsession with boobs.
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Madison
Madison, a super-smart and strong-willed freckled and bespectacled fifth-grader, is Tyler's girlfriend (for whatever that's worth in fifth grade).
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Brian
Brian was the only decent date on a Valentine's Day double-date Hazel and Jamie went on in 2005.
Jamie snatched him up, but not for long...
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Thea
Thea is the editor-in-chief at the Tribune, the paper Hazel writes for.
She's rumored to be a lesbian, but she probably wouldn't tell you if you asked.
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Pussy Whipped Editor
Mister or Miss? If you get her gender wrong, you might not get a job working for the best love-and-sex mag in
New York!
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Harrison
One of Hazel's favorite co-workers. Enjoys a good old-fashioned joke or two at the water cooler.
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The Publishers
Frighteningly Muppet-like, Mr. Econo and Mr. Lodge are the dickish, sexist publishers of the Tribune.
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Ms. Jones
Ms. Jones, Hazel's neighbor, is officialy the Oldest Living Kegstand.
Scott is her grandson, though she acts more his age than he does.
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Reese Phelps
Reese is the boy of Hazel's dreams, and has been since she was 17.
He's a traveling actor who adores Haze, but never discusses romance...
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Caroline Tellington
Caroline is Hazel's mom, a divorced librarian who moved with her only daughter to Maryland during Hazel's teenage years.
She loves vibrating back massagers.
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Zee Artiste
The lack of consistant updates should say it all, but in case you want more, you can find it here.
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